My Bloody Valentine and the terrific 2009 reboot have held horror hearts over the years without being truly challenged for the top V-day fright film of all time. Films such as Valentine and Pontypool came with high hopes of bringing the Horror-Nation some new blood to drink with sinister sweets, but like several others, those productions were dumped faster than a speed dating app. Coming off of his highly acclaimed fur film, Werewolves Within, director Josh Ruben attempts to dethrone the coal miner icon with his latest film, Heart Eyes. Will this new brand of slasher capture the dark hearts of horror fans, or quickly ghost audiences like an ungrateful lover?
The nation has its heads on a swivel during Valentine’s Day because the lovers’ holiday has been subject to massacres the last two years from the Heart Eyes Killer. H.E.K to the public, has struck at two different cities and no one knows where he is planning date night this year. Coming off a bad breakup and stuck with Jay, a new consultant at work, for the night, Ally just wants to just cuddle up by herself and tuck her broken heart into bed. While the odd couple start the evening not having eyes for each other, H.E.K. does. Once the serial stalker sets his red beams on Ally and Jay, nothing or no one, will stop him until he puts his dates down…for good. Two detectives try to unravel the mystery and stop the iconic killer before he adds Ally, Jay, and anyone in his way, to a lovers hit list.
Heart Eyes had everything going for it. A director who understands the genre. Horror regulars Jordana Brewster and Devon Sawa in important roles, and an audience praying for a new horror icon. After a banger of an opening, the fright film gets lost inside of a romantic comedy. Several decent kills and suspenseful set pieces are sprinkled throughout the film like a good-looking cupcake, but that sweet treat turns sour with an abundance of overindulged plot lines. The performances are solid from the cast, making do with a script that’s worded like a poor Lifetime original movie, and Ruben shoots every action sequence to perfection.
Heart Eyes suffers from an all too common trend in modern horror films. It tries to be three different films instead of the one the core audience begs for. All blame for this poor effort falls on the three screenwriters, Christopher Landon, Greg Gilreath, and Adam Hendricks. It appears one of them wanted to make a traditional slasher, one wanted to make a rom-com, and the other had no idea what to do. This is beyond evident in the nine different endings that conclude the film, making the viewer wish they could have their own eyes gouged out to end the debacle. The film had tremendous potential and is worth a one time watch if you can stay away between long droning patches and pre-teen dialogue sprouting from the mouths of adults. Heart Eyes is like going on a blind date on V-Day with someone whose profile picture gets your heart racing, but by the end of the date, your profile will still say…single and searching.
Scream Score: 6/10